Category Archives: Movies

Movie Review: 2 Guns

Jean-Paul’s rating: 4/5 stars

Q: What do you get when you cross Denzel Washington and Mark Wahlberg?

A: An incredibly fun action movie with some hilarious interactions between the two stars.

A word of warning, this movie is not to be taken seriously.  Any attempts to take this movie seriously will be used against you in a court of law.  That said, wow is this movie fun.  Stig (Mark Wahlberg) and Bobby (Denzel Washington) play two drug dealers/problem solvers who are working for a Mexican drug kingpin, Papi Greco (played by the always awesome Edward James Olmos).  Only, Bobby is actually a DEA agent trying to take down Papi.  Oh, and Stig is actually a Navy Seal who is trying to, well, that’s not entirely clear.  I mean, they have an explanation but it doesn’t really make much sense and has to do with robbing a bank that contains Papi’s drug money stash.

So they’re off to rob a bank.  Things don’t go quite as expected.  This leads to a series of events that can only be described as improbable.  S’ok, though, this is an action movie.  The action sequences are pretty standard, but entertaining.  Where the movie shines, though, is all the interactions between Bobby and Stig.  It’s like Abbott and Costello with those two.  Bobby’s the straight man and Stig’s the goof.  The only real problem with the movie is that there are a sequence of events when Bobby and Stig are separated and then it just becomes a standard action movie.  Get them back together and the fun starts once again.

A funny story.  Prior to the movie, my brother and I were discussing Mark Wahlberg and he had commented on how he could never take Mark Wahlberg seriously as an actor.  He has a bit of a prejudice against crossover stars who start as musicians and move over into acting (except for Ice Cube who he thinks is awesome).  I was defending Mark Wahlberg as a pretty competent actor who can do some serious work.  Then this movie comes along and validates everything my brother thought about Mark.  This is not to take anything away from Walhberg.  He plays off Denzel Washington incredibly well in this movie.  He can not by any stretch of the imagination be called a serious actor, though.

After watching this movie, I want to see a “2 Guns” comedy series featuring Wahlberg and Washington.  They were that much fun together.  What “2 Guns” provides is an outlandish plot strewn together with some decent action scenes and packaged with some teriffic buddy antics.  It’s not art, but it is high quality entertainment.

Movie Review: The Wolverine

Jean-Paul’s Rating: 3/5 stars

Another perfectly acceptable action movie.  That’s really all that can be said about “The Wolverine”.  The summer of 2013 has been chock full of them.  You spend two hours of your life watching them and soon afterwards, you forget that they even existed.  One tries not to think about how many other languages one could have learned or how many instruments on could learn to play in the time one spends watching mediocre action movies.

That said, there is one thing that does make “The Wolverine” somewhat memorable.  Fighting on top of a bullet train travelling at 300 miles per hour.  It’s a new take on an old classic and it’s done really well.  Imagine the effects of a 300 mile per hour wind on the human body and add knives and adamantium claws.  You get the idea.

I am told by people that are dorkier than I that “The Wolverine” follows reasonably closely to the comic of the same name.  Logan has left humanity to be as alone as possible in the great Alaskan north after being forced to kill his lover, Jean Grey, in a prior movie.  He is tracked down and summoned to Japan by a man whose life he once saved in Nagasaki during World War II.  The man is dying and he wants to give Logan the gift of mortality by transplanting his immortality into the old man’s body.

So far, so good.  But this is a movie based off of a comic so we have to convolute things a bit now, don’t we?  So let’s say that the old man decides that his granddaughter should be the one to inherit his business empire for absolutely no good reason whatsoever and have a bunch of people that want to kill her as a result.  Or maybe just kidnap her.  Or kidnap her and then kill her.  Possibly kill her and then kidnap her.  Now we’re talking!  Now let’s add a ninja clan whose purpose doesn’t make sense led by a former love interest of the granddaughter, a scientist who can spit poison and can only die when it’s convenient, and a fifteen foot tall robot samurai.  Oh, we also need Logan to fall in love with the granddaughter he conveniently swore to protect for some reason.

Confused yet?  Don’t worry, there’s more!  I’ll leave you to discover it all for yourself, though.  Comics are basically soap operas for geeks.

Movie Review: RED 2

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Jean-Paul’s rating: 3/5

Watching old people fight is mindlessly entertaining.

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Movie Review: Pacific Rim

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Jean-Paul’s rating: 1/5 stars or 4/5 stars

This is the greatest one star movie you will ever see.

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Movie Review: World War Z

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Jean-Paul’s rating: 2/5 stars

Hey, I have a great idea!  Let’s take a book known for its geopolitical depth and try to make an action movie out of it!  That’ll totally work!

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Movie Review: Man Of Steel

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Jean-Paul’s rating: 3/5 stars

If only they had fought their epic battle at Disney World instead of Metropolis.  I would pay good money to see Disney World destroyed even if only on film.

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Movie Review: Now You See Me

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Jean-Paul’s rating: 3/5 stars

It’s magic!  F$%^& you!

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Much Ado About Joss Whedon

So this is happening:

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AAMsDP_DMHE&feature=youtube_gdata_player]

I should be excited about this.  I love Joss Whedon and I love “Much Ado About Nothing”, but the trailer kind of makes everyone sound like Keanu Reeves in the Kenneth Branaugh version of “Much Ado” (which is awesome).  Obviously, that’s not going to stop me from seeing it.  I’ve never seen a modern interpretation of Shakespeare’s best comedy.  Fingers crossed.

Movie Review: The Hangover 3

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Jean-Paul’s rating: 2/5 stars

No hangovers where had in the making of this movie.

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Movie Review: Star Trek: Into Darkness

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Jean-Paul’s rating: 4/5 stars

J.J. ABRAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMSSSSSSSSSSSS!

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