Category Archives: Religion

Fanatical Religious Nutjob Of The Day

The lunatics are in control of the asylum over in North Carolina.  Two Republican lawmakers are pushing a resolution declaring that the state/county/city has the authority to establish an official religion and write religious laws.  Clearly, these two are crypto-islamo-fascist Muslims hoping to stealthily bring Sharia Law to North Carolina.  They must be stopped!

Their laughable claim is that the U.S. Constitution only prevents the establishment of a national religion.  Smaller municipalities are free to do as they please in this regard.  I guess that means states can restrict speech as much as they want as well.  And your county can restrict who you choose to associate with.  And your city can prevent you from petitioning the government.

This whole affair stems from a lawsuit filed against a county that starts their commissioners meeting with a prayer.  They filed the resolution to show their solidarity with the commissioners.  There are many of these lawsuits being filed across the country.  The basic argument is that saying a Christian prayer at the beginning of a governmental meeting is establishing a religion and goes against the First Amendment.  Most of the lawsuits are fought against vigorously by the local governmental body being sued.

Thanks to these two bumbling lawmakers, though, this is the first one that has hit the national spotlight.  And it really gets to the heart of why the prayers are illegal and that fighting the lawsuits is a colossal waste of taxpayer money.  They are all but admitting that the prayer is similar to establishing a religion.  And there is plenty of precedent showing that the establishment of a religion is illegal no matter how far down the governmental ladder you go.  Way to shoot yourselves in the foot, North Carolina.

How Dare You Call Me A Bibliophile!

Ray Comfort, who you may know from “the banana is the ultimate creation of god” fame, took great offense at a person who called him/herself a bibliophile.  He threatened to ban that person if s/he dared to call any other Christian a bibliophile.  Oh, Mr. Comfort, why must you make it so easy?

To his credit, he did apologize after the person explained the definition to him.  (He thought that “bibliophile” was an Atheist slur against Christians and was a combination of “bible” and “pedophile”.)  It goes to show how intellectually incurious the man is, though.  Instead of using a dictionary that is literally at his fingertips, he decides to take offense and threaten a challenger.

Tim Minchin Has Seen The Light…

…and renounced his heathen ways!

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IZeWPScnolo&feature=youtube_gdata_player]

Or not.

Jesus Fan Fiction Is WAY Cooler Than The Bible

Want to bring people back to the church?  Release more things like this.  It’s a 1200 year old document that claims that Jesus could shapeshift.  That’s why Judas had to kiss Jesus.  Jesus could take any form he wanted.  If you think about it, this actually makes complete sense.  There weren’t wanted posters spread far and wide to catch criminals so identification would have to be done by witness.  There were also likely plenty of people claiming to be Jesus at the time, possibly with Jesus’ permission.  The best way to speak FOR someone is to speak AS someone.

This bit of fan fiction also claims that Jesus ate his last meal with Pilate and Pilate offered to crucify his son in Jesus’ place and that Jesus could turn invisible.  The invisibility along with the shapeshifting makes me almost convinced that Jesus played Dungeons and Dragons.

There are volumes of Jesus fan fiction out there.  Most are locked up in church vaults and will never see the light of day because a bunch of old white men got together in a room and put together a bunch of the many stories together and called it canon and named the stories the Bible and hid the rest from the world.  If they really want to make Jesus cool again, though, they’ll release more of the fan fiction stories.

Ah, The “History” Channel

So, the History Channel is apparently showing a “history of the bible” mini-series.  This dude sums it up for you so you don’t have to waste your time.  NSFW language.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bUOg5F886xw&feature=youtube_gdata_player]

Real Cardinals Of The Vatican

Am I the only one who thinks that the myriad problems that the Catholic Church faces would be solved by a reality TV show featuring all the Cardinals who are vying for Pope?  Think about it.  There is more intrigue and backstabbing and double dealing at the Vatican than with any group of Real Housewives.  You have a Pope unprecedentedly resigning.  You have banking scandals.  You have a butler who was selling Vatican secrets.  You have a Cardinal resigning for allegedly ringleading a gay group inside the Vatican.  You have coverups galore.

Let’s face it, the Vatican is already exactly like the Real Housewives in every respect including the fake piety.  This is what happens when you get a group of people who live extremely insular lives and stick them together.  Reality no longer has any meaning.  They simply define their own reality at this point.  Anything can be justified because you’re doing it for the church.

Reality television is a misnomer.  It really should be called unreality television.  And there can be no greater unreality than the Vatican.  I think I need to start a petition drive to get this show made.

Democrats Say Stupid Stuff Too

Today’s episode of Democrats Say Stupid Stuff Too is brought to you by Governor Pat Quinn of Illinois.  In his most recent State of the State address, he said the following: “Nobody in Illinois should work 40 hours a week and live in poverty. That’s a principle as old as the Bible.”

I believe it was the fifth commandment.  Thou shall not work forty hours a week and live in poverty.  Or was it the third beatitude?  Blessed are those that work 40 hours a week, they shall not live in poverty.  I forget.

I have to say, it’s kind of refreshing to be writing about a Democrat saying stupid stuff about the Bible.  But that’s what makes the Bible so great.  Anyone can make up any BS you want and point to some obscure passage to validate your point while completely disregarding every contradicting passage.

The sad thing is that Quinn is right.  Nobody should be able to work 40 hours a week and still live in poverty.  That’s not a principle as old as the Bible, though.  It’s a fairly new principle, given our history.  And it has nothing to do with the Bible.  It has everything to do with common decency.

So preach on, Governor Quinn!  Do what you can to reduce massive inequality to mere huge inequality.  But please, leave the Bible quoting to the professionals.  And by professionals, I mean nobody.  Because it’s just a book with some really cool ideals thrown in with a whole bunch of crazy shit.  And just like Satan in the Bible, people tend to quote it as a means to justify their ends.  See?  Even I can do it.

How Are Guns And Christianity Compatible?

A post from Andrew Sullivan gets to the heart of a question that I have never understood.  There are many Christians out there that think owning a gun for self-defense is compatible with Christianity.  It’s as if they’ve never heard the phrase “turn the other cheek”.

You have heard that it was said, “An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth”. But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles.

You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven.

I don’t think the Bible could be any clearer that killing someone, even in self-defense, is wrong.  And yet you have people who not only think guns and Christianity are compatible but that they are perfectly intertwined.  That’s why we have an incredibly religious armed forces.  I have news for you.  You can kill in the name of your country.  You can’t kill in the name of Jesus.  That’s not how Christianity works.

Paranoia Runs Deep

Continuing with my “Grown Men Playing Dungeons and Dragons” theme, there is another strange psychology at play here in the United States.  That is the belief of just about every group, no matter how large, that they are an oppressed minority.

Many Christians think they are an oppressed minority.  Here’s future Senator of South Carolina Tim Scott talking about how Christians are the most oppressed group in the country:

 

I have news for you, Christians who think you are being oppressed, being prevented from pushing your views onto others through government is not oppression.  Yes, you’ve gotten away with it for many years without much blowback.  That’s normal when a vast majority controls just about everything.  What you’re seeing is not you being oppressed.  It’s minorities finally sticking up for their rights to not be bullied through government.  You are simply finally not being allowed to get away with things that have been always been unconstitutional.  You still control every branch of government in every state.  You still outnumber every other religious denomination by a very large margin.  So quit acting like the spoiled kid that always got his way until someone finally confronted him about his behavior.

The next vastly oppressed minority is men.  That’s right, men.  Who are we being oppressed by?  Women, apparently.  Not just any women, though.  Feminists!  I won’t link to any of the websites, but look up Men’s Rights Activists if you’re interested in mucking through some real slime.  Seriously, it’s some of the most vile crap you will find on the interwebs.  On the plus side, their web sites make for great logical fallacy bingo games.

Another incredibly oppressed minority in the United States is white men.  I know this because Mitt Romney lost the presidential election:

 

Poor white men.  They only control 82% of the Senate and a similar amount in the House while only representing 33% of the population.  It’s so difficult to be a white male these days!

All of the above scenarios are really about not recognizing privilege.  Christians have it.  Males are up to their heads in it.  White males are swimming in an ocean of it.  The oppression these groups feel is merely their privilege taken away from them.  Slowly, but surely, the level of privilege in this country is being evened.  We have a long way to go, but like the wind eroding a mountain, our progress can not be stopped.

It’s About Time, Jesus, It’s About Time

Jesus has left the GOP:

After a long pause, Jesus added: “So, from here on out, anybody who says they’re speaking for me, or that they know I’d agree with them, is a fucking liar.”