Movie Review: London Has Fallen

Jean-Paul’s Rating: 3/5 stars

Bottom Line: About the most ridiculous terrorist plot conceived by Hollywood, but it works.  Good action and plenty of good one-liners.

On a scale of conceivable terrorist plots, Hollywood ranges from believable and real like “United 93” to patently absurd like all of “24”.  “London Has Fallen” falls far to the right of that scale.  And I mean FAR to the right.  It’s a dangerous way to make a movie because trending to the absurd can lead to loss of the suspension of disbelief, but in this case, it works.  And really, it’s worth seeing the movie just to witness the absurdity of it all and how effectively they pull it off.

The set-up is believable enough except for the whole “a bunch of state got together and agreed on something” part.  Without ruining anything, a bunch of states got together and agreed to launch a drone strike against a very powerful arms dealer who deals primarily to terrorists.  Lo and behold, they perform the strike at a wedding and all of the innocent people are killed and all of the bad guys survive.  The rest of the movie is said arms dealer’s revenge plot.

Another weird thing about the film is it’s kind of genre breaking.  It’s kind of a mix between a damsel-in-distress movie and a buddy-cop movie.  But in this case, the damsel/buddy is the President of the United States (Aaron Eckhart) and the hero/buddy is a Secret Service agent (Gerard Butler).  The two have a very good rapport together.  That might count a lot for my enjoyment of the film.

High brow movie making this is not.  But if you’re in for an over-the-top, non-stop action flick, “London Has Fallen” fits the bill quite nicely.  If I were to sum up the movie in one word it would be ridiculawesome.

Movie Review: Deadpool

Jean-Paul’s Rating: 5/5 stars

Bottom Line: As close to perfect as you can get when you’re talking about superhero movies.  Devilishly clever and doesn’t take itself seriously.

You’re in for a different kind of superhero movie.  You know that right off the bat with the opening credits.  Starring: A moody teenager, etc.  Yep, “Deadpool” has gone meta.  Not only does the movie break the fourth wall with impunity, it also pokes massive fun of the genre itself and of Ryan Reynolds’ checkered superhero career.  It’s a dangerous stylistic move and could have failed miserably, but this movie has the right cast and the right director to pull it off.

Much of the success can be attributed to Ryan Reynolds.  He plays Wade/Deadpool as a kind of badass version of the slapsticky character he played in “Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place”, if you’re old enough to remember it.  Which I am.  Reynolds has proven himself to be a capable all around actor, but his forte remains comedy.  He just has this smarmy charm about him that lets him get away with lines that no one else would be able to pull off to the same effect.

Behind all the Ryan Reynolds awesomeness sits a very fun movie.  Sure, it devolves into the very cliche damsel in distress genre of movie and I think comedy gold was forsaken not pointing out all that obviousness, but the ride there is massively entertaining for both comic geeks and the uninitiated.  I consider myself more of the latter or maybe wading into the kiddie pool of comic geekdom, but let me tell you there are Easter eggs galore for both groups.

This movie was a blast.  You so need to see it.  You actually feel a part of the movie because of the artistic use of fourth wall breaking.  In fact, stay through all of the credits.  You won’t be disappointed if you are of a certain age.  Which is to say old.  They pay homage to a certain other super successful fourth wall breaking movie in perfect Deadpool style.

Movie Review: The Finest Hours

Jean-Paul’s Rating: 3/5 stars

Bottom Line: Amazing true story.  Two gripping dramas and a shoehorned love story.

There is a fine line between bravery and stupidity.  “The Finest Hours” is a true-ish story about a rescue attempt that crosses that line.  It’s one of those things where they are labelled brave because they were stunningly successful, but if they had failed there would likely have been inquests and courts martial (if courts martial are a thing in the Coast Guard) (yes, courts martial is the plural of court martial).  Basic story: A massive nor’easter hits New England causing massive waves that keeps the Coast Guard busy rescuing ships.  One oil tanker breaks in half and an intrepid band of Guarders are instructed to take a puddle jumper that shouldn’t be out in those seas and effect a rescue.

There are three basic stories to this movie: The rescuers. The doomed shipmates.  The wistful romance.  The two former are both informative and powerful.  The latter is kind of thrown in as a way to humanize the main character, Bernie Weber (Chris Pine), and as a way to fulfill the Hollywood trope that every leading man must have a love interest.  Really, Chris Pine does such an effective job of portraying Bernie Weber that there is no need to further humanize him by inserting a love interest.  Thankfully, it doesn’t interfere with the story too much and it does at least introduce a more no-nonsense woman than you would normally expect, but pass the Bechdel Test this movie does not.

There are not many movies that you can say are informative, but “The Finest Hours” is such.  There are all sorts of useful maritime nuggets that may be second nature to the New England seamen, but might as well be part of a different world to us landlubbers.  I appreciate that the effort was made to inform.

“The Finest Hours” is done well enough that it’s worth seeing.  If only just to say, “Wow, someone actually did that.”  I continue to be impressed with Chris Pine’s acting ability.  Yes there are all the usual cliches you expect from a movie about the sea, but they don’t take away from the enjoyment too much.

Movie Review: The Boy

Jean-Paul’s Rating: 3/5 stars

Bottom Line: Great creepiness factor at the beginning.  Devolves into weirdness and then into stupidity.

The setup for “The Boy” is kind of awesome.  A young American woman, Greta (Lauren Cohan), takes the job of a nanny for a couple in a remote English village only to discover that the couple’s child is a life sized doll named Brahms instead of an 8 year old boy named Brahms.  The father is creepy.  The mother is creepy.  The house is creepy.  The doll.  Is.  Creepy.  Greta must treat the doll as if he were alive and must follow a set of rules for his care.  So all kinds of creepiness going on.

The backstory of this strange setup is provided convincingly by Malcom (Rupert Evans), a sort of odd-jobs man for the house.  When the parents leave for a long overdue vacation, he and Greta develop a purely platonic friendship which is ever so refreshing to see in a movie.  Greta also starts disobeying the rules because why the hell would you obey personal care rules for a stupid doll?  Maybe because this is a horror movie?

So of course strange things start happening with the doll.  Shortly after this all starts happening, the rails come off this ride.  The ending makes everything that comes before seem preposterous.  There’s a weird and mostly useless subplot that has to do with a controlling ex-boyfriend.  There are all sorts of questions left unanswered.  But at least we had a good amount of creepiness going for a while.

If I were to make this movie, I would have made the doll be actually possessed by the soul of the child and made the parents demon worshipers who must sacrifice unwitting nannies to the doll every couple of years. But no, I just review crappy movies, I don’t write them.

We’re All In This Together

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Harris Rosen is a real person.  He really did give free daycare and college scholarships to all high school graduates in this very poor little neighborhood in Orlando, FL.  It is unclear for how long he did this or if he continues to do this now and the graduation rate statistic is suspect, but it’s still truly inspiring.  What is interesting is how different people find this inspiring.  A conservative friend is the one who posted this on Facebook (Yes this is another Facebook argument.  Yes something is wrong with me.).  My response was this:

Imagine all the money the government is going to save on welfare. Imagine all the extra money the government is going to make in taxes from the increase in income that comes from going to college. Imagine that instead of one neighborhood winning the rich-guy lottery, we all got together and pooled our resources to make this a reality for all. Imagine if everyone in the U.S. had free daycare and college scholarships. Imagine how much better the U.S. and the world would be as a result.

When talking to conservatives, use conservative talking points.  Don’t throw in inflammatory barbs like “Imagine if there were someone running for president right now that has promised to provide these things.  Feel the Bern!”  Though I was sorely tempted, that’s just poking the bear.  His response was:

I get it dude, but forced philanthropy breeds resentment and entitlement. There’s no substitute for a kind heart with a smiling face, proving to a neighborhood that they matter, are not forgotten, and have a gift that requires stewardship.

Which is really along the lines of “That’s all fine and dandy but if you force people to do the things that inspire them they’ll resent you and the people that benefit from it will feel all entitled and stuff.”  It’s such a low view of humanity.  It’s as if benefits don’t count unless you can put a face to the benefactor.  Which is absolutely hilarious when you realize that this seems to be a very popular view in certain Christian circles.  Maybe it has something to do with being told from birth that you’re a dirty sinner and undeserving of anything and thus must work hard from conception to get what you want.  Try to pinpoint exactly who would be resentful and who would feel entitled and you can’t (You know, people.  Not me.  Not my friends.  Those other people.), which was my next point:

 Resentment from whom? Entitlement from whom? Those who would resent this are already resentful. Those who would feel entitled already feel entitled. I think most would feel grateful. Most would feel empowered. Everybody would win; the resentful, the entitled, the rich, the poor. If you’re the one who would feel resentful, fine, conversation over, but if you wouldn’t feel resentful, you are much closer to those that are resentful than I. Change minds. Change spirits.

He “liked” this which is basically a polite way of ending the conversation, but then someone else posted something that I think gets to the heart of why conservatives don’t quite get what the stakes really are even though they should be blindingly obvious:

Let me empty your bank account to pay for my sister’s medical bills and we’ll see who’s resentful.

If you legislate charity, it becomes theft. If you force someone to give..it’s not giving. And if you didn’t make the money, it’s not yours to give.
I’d like a great many things, doesn’t mean I should get them. And just because someone is in unfortunate circumstances, doesn’t mean they should have someone else solve their problems.

I wanted to concentrate on the first sentence only because the rest is just boilerplate libertarian nonsense that people reflexively repeat.  The last sentence is also worth commenting on briefly, though.  This person is obviously Christian and obviously cares about certain things.  These things even correlate very closely with the goal of providing basic childcare to all children.  But she wants to decide exactly whom to help.  She wants to be able to pick a winner and loser.  Take that agency away from her and you suddenly go from an obvious good to grounds for rebellion.  But back to the first sentence:

Um, I am a perfectly healthy male with insurance. I DO pay for your sister’s and hundreds of thousands of other people’s medical bills. Probably not your sister specifically since we are almost assuredly on different health plans, but you get the idea. Plus, we’re kind of switching subjects from education to healthcare, but the whole point of pooling resources is so that any individual DOESN’T get their bank accounts emptied. That was the biggest problem with insurance pre-Obamacare. Have a preexisting condition and you’re uninsurable and you either find a way to pay for your condition or find a magical benefactor or you die. I gladly pay property taxes for the education of children that I won’t have because a better education for all makes us all better. I would gladly pay more in taxes to provide daycare for all because well taken care of children make better prepared children makes us all better. I would gladly pay more in taxes to provide a college scholarship for those that graduate highschool because smarter people get higher paying jobs which allows them to buy more things and provide more things which makes us all better.

I don’t want to live in a world which depends on a magical benefactor who sweeps down on a vanishingly small subset of humanity to provide for a basic need like a child’s education. I want to live in a world where we all recognize that childcare and education are a fundamental necessity for children who had zero choice in to whom they were born and where they were raised. I want us to recognize that this benefits not just the children but all of us. I want to live in a world where the popular belief of “I suffered and so should you” is replaced with “we suffered now let’s try to make things a little better for you”. I am my brother’s keeper. I am my sister’s keeper. My brother is not just Tangelo Park. My sister is not just Orlando, FL. My brother, my sister is the United States of America. Harris Rosen has proven how beneficial childcare is to primary education on a small scale. Let’s make it nationwide and reap the whirlwind of benefits together. No child is not deserving.

It’s a little speechy (I sometimes get like that when I write), but I believe it hammers home my point.  We’re all in this together.  Not a single one of us has the wisdom to decide who is deserving and who is not.  This is true for every single human being, but especially true for children who should be considered deserving by default.  One person proving that providing basic childcare benefits those children immensely is absolutely inspiring.  Learning from that and pooling our resources to make it a reality across the entire United States would be awe inspiring.

Book Review: Consider The Lobster by David Foster Wallace

Jean-Paul’s Rating: 5/5 stars

Have I ever mentioned that I love the judicious use of footnotes?  Well, I do.  And David Foster Wallace is the grand master of footnote use.  He uses them both as asides and as deeper knowledge into a subject.  And as asides to deeper knowledge into a subject.  And as deeper knowledge into asides.  Only occasionally does it seem overwrought. A literary gift indeed.

This is my first foray into the mind of David Foster Wallace and I like what I see.  “Consider the Lobster” is a collection of magazine essays Wallace wrote throughout his career.  He has a style that is so unique I am fairly certain that I could pick up an untitled piece of his and immediately recognize his fingerprints.  And it’s not just the footnotes.  His use of self-reference and his use of anagrams also have their own Wallace-y feel that I’ve not experienced elsewhere.

The essays in “Consider the Lobster” can be broken up into three groups: book reviews, acts of journalism, and personal stories.  The two personal stories are a speech he gave and a retelling of his experiences on the day of September 11, 2001.  The speech, I should remark, is titled “Some Remarks on Kafka’s Funniness from Which Probably Not Enough Has Been Removed”.  It should give you a pretty good hint into Wallace’s sense of humor.  It details his vain attempts to get his students to agree with him on Kafka’s deadpan humor.  Then, in a brilliant act of story sequencing, he follows it with “Authority and American Usage” which is an absolutely deadpan hilarious 62-page review of a book on the correct usage of American English.  I cannot recommend it enough.  It’s this essay that made me fall in love with David Foster Wallace’s style.  It almost makes me want to read “Garner’s Modern American Usage” on which the review is based.  Almost.  The journalism pieces that are worth pointing out are “Big Red Son” which is an in depth look at the Adult Video News Awards, pornography’s answer to the Oscars, and “Up, Simba”, a recounting of his time following John McCain during the 2000 primary election season.  So, two pieces about pornography.  “Up, Simba” reminded me of why, once upon a time, I somewhat admired and respected John McCain before he went all Palin.

Finally, there is “Consider the Lobster” itself which is a piece Wallace did for Gourmet magazine covering the 2003 Maine Lobster Fest, which of course is a thing.  I love that here we have a piece in a foodie magazine about one of the foodiest foods there is and Wallace basically makes it into a screed on why you should not eat lobster.  And he’s persuasive.  Scratch another food off of my list.

If you have never read David Foster Wallace, you should.  You owe it to yourself to do so and “Consider the Lobster” is a great introduction*.  It is full of humor and wit and supremely accurate use of the English language.  “Infinite Jest” has been on my list of “I should read this” books for a long time, but “CTL” cemented its place unto my “I WILL read this” list.

*He said having never read anything else by the author.

Movie Review: The Revenant

Jean-Paul’s Rating: 4/5 stars

Bottom Line: Majestic landscapes interspersed between bouts of brutal violence and hardship.

Apparently, it’s bloody, brutal life and sweeping frontier backdrop season.  First, “The Hateful Eight” and now “The Revenant”.  Not that the two movies are at all similar beyond that.  It’s just odd that two movies with both an unusual location and time period would be released so close together.

“The Revenant” takes place somewhere around the time when the United States was pushing west and soldiers were gently and lovingly maiming and killing as many Native Americans as possible while at the same time raping the land of as many pelts as they could get their hands on.  AKA the American Dream.  One such group of Dreamers was packing up their haul of pelts when an unruly pack of savages descended upon them and tried to take their Dream away just because some Dreamer had kidnapped one of the savage’s daughters.  Why can’t the savages just quietly protest in a corner somewhere where no one can hear them?  The nerve of some people.

Most of the action in “The Revenant” follows Hugh Glass’ (Leonardo DiCaprio) epic trek for revenge after he is left for dead after being brutally mauled by a bear and John Fitzgerald (Tom Hardy) kills Glass’ son right in front of him when his son attempts to stop Fitzgerald from abandoning Glass.  The bear scene is a little hard to watch.  I have no idea how they filmed it, but it looked pretty darn real.  Glass literally digs himself out of his own grave and proceeds to crawl, scrape, and hobble his way back to civilization and the unfortunate John Fitzgerald.

The movie is sweepingly beautiful and gorgeously shot.  It is full of majestic shots of mountains and rivers and forests and snow and ice.  At 156 minutes run time, I would guess 30 or so are dedicated to such shots.  This is both a compliment and a complaint.  It really is beautiful, but that combined with another 30 minutes of DiCaprio grunting and groaning his way across said landscapes leads me to wish that a bit more creative editing was done to lower the run time some.

There are also two fantastic acting jobs by both DiCaprio and Hardy.  Both have received multiple nominations for their roles, but I believe Hardy is much more worthy.  Watch his eyes.  You can see him processing his surroundings and searching for justification for his actions.  It’s quite beautiful.

2016 is starting off well so far.  Two movies back to back that I would definitely recommend to most people.  As with “The Hateful Eight”, my one warning would be that this movie is pretty brutally violent.  And more realistically so than “The Hateful Eight”.  It could be tough to watch for some viewers.

Movie Review: The Hateful Eight

Jean-Paul’s Rating: 4/5 stars

Bottom Line:  A minimalist movie with a maximal punch.  Full of colorful characters and great storytelling.  In other words, your standard Quentin Tarantino fare.

Ah, good storytelling.  You don’t run into it very often these days.  Luckily, Quentin Tarantino is still making movies.  Say what you want about his excessive violence and grotesque use of blood (more on that later), the man knows how to tell a story.

After the success of the magnificent “Django Unchained” which was an expansive journey film, Tarantino has followed it up with what can only be called a minimalist journey film.  I mean, sure, 95% of the movie is set in a run down general store in the middle of the wintry Wyoming plains, but the whole story revolves around how the occupants got there and where they’re going.  As you can probably tell from the title, the occupants are hateful and there’s eight of them.  They’re pretty much exactly what you’d expect to find traveling the post-Civil War Wyoming wasteland; bounty hunters, prisoner, sheriff, hangman, cowpoke, confederate general, and stagecoach driver.  At least I think it was post-Civil War.  I’m pretty sure that Wyoming is still filled with the same characters and stagecoach continues to be the preferred method of transportation.  At least such is my understanding.

Quentin Tarantino has a list of about 20 people that he is allowed to cast in his movies and most of them are in this one.  Samuel Jackson, Tim Roth, Michael Madsen, Bruce Dern, Kurt Russell, Walton Goggins, James Park, all in this movie and all in at least one other Tarantino film.  I’m pretty sure Tarantino keeps half of them in cold storage and only thaws them out for his movies.  That leaves just one of the eight unaccounted for: Jennifer Jason Leigh as the outlaw Daisy Domergue.  Because there can only be one woman in any Tarantino film.

It’s later.  I don’t get why Tarantino insists on ending his films with violent bloodbaths.  Don’t get me wrong, his stories always evolve in a way where a violent ending is assured, but the bloody splashes and head burstings just don’t do much for his films.  Don’t get me wrong, I like movies featuring fountains of blood and dismemberments with a rusty hacksaw as much as the next guy, but in Tarantino’s films, they always seem more of a stain on the movie than anything else.

I would put “The Hateful Eight” right around the level of “Pulp Fiction”.  So second or third best of Tarantino’s movies.  “Django Unchained” is clearly the best.  If you disagree, you continue to be not very fun at parties.

Book Review: 2015 Revue

Another year, another revue.  Books.  I don’t read enough of them.  16 this year.  Partially, this is because of the size of the books I read (Close to 3,000 pages just for Ken Follett’s trilogy).  Partly, this is because I was uncharacteristically busy and preoccupied.  I never thought I’d long for the 2 hour a day commute, but boy did I get a lot of reading done then.

Walden by Henry David Thoreau – 3/5 stars

Fall of Giants by Ken Follett – 3/5 stars

Winter of the World by Ken Follett – 3/5 stars

Edge of Eternity by Ken Follett – 3/5 stars

A Mercy by Toni Morrison – 4/5 stars

Unnatural Creatures by Neil Gaiman – 4/5 stars

A Modest Proposal by Jonathan Swift – 5/5 stars

The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins – 4/5 stars

Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins – 2/5 stars

Mockingjay by Susanne Collins – 1/5 stars

Trigger Warning by Neil Gaiman – 4/5 stars

Go Set a Watchman by Harper Lee – 4/5 stars

Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates – 5/5 stars

The Martian by Andy Weir – 4/5 stars

Seveneves by Neal Stephenson – 3/5 stars

Constitution by Nick Webb – 2/5 stars

Movie Review: 2015 Revue

Year 3 of movie reviews.  Still haven’t indexed all my reviews.  This was the year of “oh yeah, I did see that movie”.  47 movies in all.  2015 started out poorly but finished strong.  The European Union International Film Festival was a bust with the exception of “Farewell, Herr Schwartz” and “Open Up To Me”.  I think I have more 1 and 2 star reviews this year than in previous years, but I’m too lazy to count.

Into the Woods – 3/5 stars

Taken 3 – 3/5 stars

American Sniper – 3/5 stars

Mordecai – 2/5 stars

The Interview – 3/5 stars

Kingsman: The Secret Service – 5/5 stars

Hot Tub Time Machine 2 – 2/5 stars

Focus – 3/5 stars

Still Alice – 4/5 stars

Amour Fou – 2/5 stars

Run All Night – 3/5 stars

Farewell, Herr Schwartz – 4/5 stars

The Lazarus Effect – 1/5 stars

The Gunman – 1/5 stars

Open Up To Me – 4/5 stars

The Chambermaid – 2/5 stars

Furious 7 – 3/5 stars

Woman in Gold – 4/5 stars

True Story – 4/5 stars

Avengers: Age of Ultron – 3/5 stars

Ex Machina – 4/5 stars

Max Max: Fury Road – 4/5 stars

Tomorrowland – 3/5 stars

San Andreas – 3/5 stars

Jurassic World – 3/5 stars

Terminator Genisys – 2/5 stars

Inside Out – 4/5 stars

Ant-Man – 3/5 stars

Trainwreck – 4/5 stars

Fantastic Four – 1/5 stars

Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation – 4/5 stars

Straight Outta Compton – 4/5 stars

Mr. Holmes – 4/5 stars

No Escape – 3/5 stars

The Man From U.N.C.L.E. – 3/5 stars

Everest – 4/5 stars

The Martian – 5/5 stars

The Last Witch Hunter – 3/5 stars

Bridge of Spies – 4/5 stars

Spectre – 3/5 stars

Crimson Peak – 2/5 stars

Star Wars: The Force Awakens – 3/5 stars

Krampus – 2/5 stars

The Night Before – 3/5 stars

The Big Short – 4/5 stars

Mockingjay Part 2 – 3/5 stars

Secret In Their Eyes – 3/5 stars